I found out on Friday night that an old friend commited suicide.
I know plenty of people that don't know one suicide let alone three. The worse bit is, they reached out for help when I was trying to deal with my own problems. If I'd been a little less self absorbed then maybe they'd still be here, and now I have to deal with that guilt.
The worse bit isn't that I hate them for it and I do and I know I shouldn't, I'm jealous that they've done it.
I feel like everytime I get somewhere I get knocked back again. And each time I reach a little lower, and I come back a little less.