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About Varied / Hobbyist Official Beta Tester No second chancesMale/United Kingdom Groups :icondreamers-of-avalon: Dreamers-of-Avalon
Happy as a field full of llamas
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If I wanted to share a status update I'd use social media
Last week, I worked a 96 hour week...and it broke me.  I'm a manic depressive most days living, some days surving, without taking medication.  On medication it was an easier battle that drained my soul, without medication, it's a difficult fight that I hope...doesn't end.

Currently, I'm not suicidal, I'm not after sympathy, I'm not even after help, but I know that I am in danger of falling to a point where I do need help, where I have been on the edge, where I have had to be...stopped.  I'm in danger of returning to places to which I am ashamed to talk about.

My friends have always been the best of me, and I guess, what I'm really afraid of is facing another bad period alone, fighting with only the worst of me.

If I'm honest, I just want to know that I'm not alone :(

I've fought this battle alone for so long, for so many years, without letting anyone in, that it's become really hard to let people in, to accept that anyone really cares.  I couldn't write this in Facebook because that's not my place of truth, a place to trust people.

This is something that is extemely difficult to admit, something I'm ashamed of, something I can't even tell my own family...I've tried to kill myself.  My heart rate has increased just at the thought of submitting this journal entry. I'm even now, wondering whether I have the guts to submit this journal.

I hope I never return to the lows that pushed me that far.

I'm not even sure, with writing all this down for the public eye, what I hope to achieve. I guess to know that I'm not alone, I'm not without meaning.  Maybe I just need to write this down for me, to admit to myself that I can't do this alone, that I do need friends, that I can let people in.  I don't know anymore.

I don't know whether this is a self help therapy journal, a cry for help, documentation of my descent in insanity, or just blowing out steam? I'm writing this as just how I feel, something I rarely reveal to anyone.  I hate to admit I can't cope without help, it makes me feel like I've failed.

Deep down, I know I've failed, because I tried to commit suicide, and I don't know whether that stops me trying again or is a reason to not be here. :'(

deviantID

Quoth-Raven
No second chances
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United Kingdom
Current Residence: Oxford
Favourite genre of music: Rock, Goth, Metal, 60's, Jazz, Classical, Musicals
Operating System: Windows 7/Android Ice Cream Sandwich/Android Jelly Bean
MP3 player of choice: Samsung Galaxy Note
Personal Quote: In marriage we promise 'till death do we part,' I never made that promise babe xxx :-(
Interests
Last week, I worked a 96 hour week...and it broke me.  I'm a manic depressive most days living, some days surving, without taking medication.  On medication it was an easier battle that drained my soul, without medication, it's a difficult fight that I hope...doesn't end.

Currently, I'm not suicidal, I'm not after sympathy, I'm not even after help, but I know that I am in danger of falling to a point where I do need help, where I have been on the edge, where I have had to be...stopped.  I'm in danger of returning to places to which I am ashamed to talk about.

My friends have always been the best of me, and I guess, what I'm really afraid of is facing another bad period alone, fighting with only the worst of me.

If I'm honest, I just want to know that I'm not alone :(

I've fought this battle alone for so long, for so many years, without letting anyone in, that it's become really hard to let people in, to accept that anyone really cares.  I couldn't write this in Facebook because that's not my place of truth, a place to trust people.

This is something that is extemely difficult to admit, something I'm ashamed of, something I can't even tell my own family...I've tried to kill myself.  My heart rate has increased just at the thought of submitting this journal entry. I'm even now, wondering whether I have the guts to submit this journal.

I hope I never return to the lows that pushed me that far.

I'm not even sure, with writing all this down for the public eye, what I hope to achieve. I guess to know that I'm not alone, I'm not without meaning.  Maybe I just need to write this down for me, to admit to myself that I can't do this alone, that I do need friends, that I can let people in.  I don't know anymore.

I don't know whether this is a self help therapy journal, a cry for help, documentation of my descent in insanity, or just blowing out steam? I'm writing this as just how I feel, something I rarely reveal to anyone.  I hate to admit I can't cope without help, it makes me feel like I've failed.

Deep down, I know I've failed, because I tried to commit suicide, and I don't know whether that stops me trying again or is a reason to not be here. :'(

Visitors

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Circulism
Oct 27, 2014
9:17 am
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Shortybon
Oct 26, 2014
6:00 am
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AndrewStones
Oct 22, 2014
2:31 pm
:iconexperiment24:
experiment24
Oct 16, 2014
7:12 am
:icondahub:
dAhub
Oct 10, 2014
6:34 pm

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:iconxocolatl-neko-chan:
Xocolatl-Neko-chan Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2014  New member
Thanks for the fav! :3
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:iconmiss-deviante:
Miss-deviantE Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2014  Hobbyist
Chili Anime Emoji (Snuggy hug) [V2] Thank You Favorite 1 Speech Bubble - BeemoteThank You Favorite 2 Speech Bubble - Beemote 
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:iconquoth-raven:
Quoth-Raven Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome :icongunterdanceplz:
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:iconrazisunil:
RaziSunil Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you for the llama :D
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:iconquoth-raven:
Quoth-Raven Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome Llama jump 
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:iconsexyeyes69:
SexyEyes69 Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
thank you for the :+fav: :) :hug:
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:iconquoth-raven:
Quoth-Raven Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome :icongunterdanceplz: :hug:
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:iconfloweroftheforest:
FlowerOfTheForest Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks for the :+fav: Heart bum
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:iconquoth-raven:
Quoth-Raven Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome :icongunterdanceplz:
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:iconfirefox2171:
firefox2171 Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you for the favorite :D
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:iconquoth-raven:
Quoth-Raven Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome :icongunterdanceplz:
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:icondarkstormskull:
darkstormskull Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2014   Artist
thank you for fav
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:iconquoth-raven:
Quoth-Raven Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome :D
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:icondarkstormskull:
darkstormskull Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2014   Artist
:)
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:iconsexyeyes69:
SexyEyes69 Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
thank you for another :+fav: :D :hug:
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:iconquoth-raven:
Quoth-Raven Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're always welcome Bouncing Penguin 
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:iconsexyeyes69:
SexyEyes69 Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
thank you for the :+fav: :) :hug:
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:iconquoth-raven:
Quoth-Raven Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome pingouins contest entry 2 
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:iconpin100:
pin100 Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2014  Professional Interface Designer
:iconwhistleplz::iconfaven1:
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:iconquoth-raven:
Quoth-Raven Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome :D
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